we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
