People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
