He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
