Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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