Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm passing your future prison.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dicks are not precious.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
