I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
