I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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