my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
