your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
