Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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