i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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