is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i dont even know how to be here
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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