How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize