I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
