I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need to align my fucking chakras
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
