You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
