This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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