really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize