be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
