i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
