I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
