I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
