At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So here I am, sexting at work.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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