that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
