I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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