i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
