U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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