you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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