A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
