I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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