Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
