i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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