Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
