I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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