3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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