mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
