after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
