Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
did you just send me my own nude
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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