that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
