Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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