john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
