and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
