just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
