i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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