Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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