I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
