No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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