I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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