she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How naked do you want me to be?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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