we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
