i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
