no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
