We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think a kid would responsible me up
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
