i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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