i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize