dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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