Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize