# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
