I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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