Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
