I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dignity is for republicans.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize