there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
