i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
