I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
