i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
