At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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