i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
