i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
