1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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