turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
