I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
