..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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