My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
