either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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