the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize